Thank You, Madiba!

I wrote this on Dec 5, 2013, the day my beloved Tata Madiba, Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela went home to heaven. 

"I sit in shock and joy hearing the news of Nelson Mandela’s transition to heaven.

Shock, because he has played a  critical role in who I am today.  Growing up in Nigeria, witnessing the day he walked out of prison as a child, to the transformative leader he was.

Joy, because we Africans celebrate the passing of an elder who LIVED!  He changed this world for so many beyond the continent of Africa."

What can I say about Madiba's influence in my life?  I wrote a list of 40 things (No, I am not sharing the entire list) and I can say that because he lived, I am (Ubuntu):

1.  "I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death." — Nelson Mandela (Long Walk to Freedom: Autobiography of Nelson Mandela)

2.  Forgiveness is a prerequisite for complete freedom.  If you are not free emotionally or spiritually, you close the door to the best of what life has to offer you. 

3.  I was not created to live small.  Small is for the birds, so live FULLY!

4.  Certain challenges seem  insurmountable, until you chisel (or sledgehammer) away bit by bit, to the other side.

5.  We are all called to serve.  Your form of service is tied to your passion.  Serve your community, family, friends, etc.   It is a key ingredient to a fulfilled life and legacy.  

6.  Fear and Courage go hand in hand. Everything worth doing comes with a healthy dose of fear.  Victory, in part, comes with the knowledge that you conquered your fear. Be BRAVE!

7.   You will fail at certain things. (trust me)   You have a choice--give up and stay down, or dust yourself off and get back in the game.  It's your decision and ... your life!

8.   Living is not just about doing for yourself, but what you do for others as well.

9.   Seek goodness daily!  Start your day with gratitude and positivity.  When was the last time you performed a random act of kindness?  If you are stuck, Bat Boy is a good reminder. 

10.  Enduring love is a healthy relationship with the right partner, who loves you flaws and all and vice versa.  It is a connection, partnership, friendship, and it is worth the wait. 

 Nelson Mandela once said his wife, Graca Machel, made him "bloom like a flower." 

:-)

Thank you, Madiba! love+live.life

What's worth doing even if you fail?

Courtesy of Brene Brown's website

I saw this image on the blog of one of my favorite authors, Brene Brown.  If you have not read "The Gifts of Imperfection" or any of her other books, Amazon Prime them STAT!

At first glance, I cringed at the word 'fail'.  The thought of failing challenged my inner pseudo-perfectionist, who was quick to say, "I don't understand what that word means".  My initial reaction subsided, then I pondered the question.  It is September and 2013 has been a year of considerable highs and unsuspecting lows, and I have ABSOLUTELY no regrets.  Hindsight, there's always something to learn when I fall short.  For this reason, my response is YES.  Everything is worth doing!  To set limits in my life based on fear is a great disservice to what life has to offer. Besides, failing or falling short encourages me to slow down, pause, and pay attention to what is going on inside.  In these moments, self-care, self-awareness,  and self-compassion become my priority.

Caution: Moments of falling short may open the door to shame, but there is good news.  You are normal!  The important thing is to keep those feelings of shame from sending you into a trance of unworthiness.  Shame thrives when three things in our lives get out of control: secrecy, silence, and judgement.  When something shaming, like failure occurs and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows.  Talk to someone about how you feel.  Someone who will listen, withhold judgement, and you trust.   If you do not have anyone or do not feel comfortable opening up to those closest, please see a counselor, psychologist, or someone at your place of worship (if you practice).  DON'T LET THE FEELINGS OF SHAME FESTER!

(PS: I have no degree in psychology, so I offer my thoughts based on my personal experience and knowledge of behavioral sciences)

Ultimately, the key is perspective.  You could look at those moments of falling short as failure, or you could think of them as part of the journey to a deeper understanding of how courageous you are.  Knowing that nothing in life is guaranteed or certain, it takes courage, not fear, to show up and take part.  Isn't that how we get to really know our authentic self?

I have amended the question and I encourage you to consider, "What do you consider worth doing, but are afraid to fail?" Love+Live.Life